Posted on: Wednesday, November 26, 2008
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VOLCANIC ASH
Give thanks for the smaller things, too
By
David Shapiro
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Here's a mahalo to all those whose sayings brightened our day
It's Thanksgiving week and I'm seeing gratitude lists everywhere.
Most expressions of thanks are about grand changes for the better in folks' lives or the world at large, but my mahalos go to the little things people say throughout the year that brighten my days. Enjoy some favorite inspirations I've collected in 2008:
Ellis Cleveland to Honolulu police after he was arrested as a suspect in four bank robberies: "Four? I didn't do four, I only robbed three banks. But it doesn't matter because I'm not talking to you guys. I want a lawyer." Bet the lawyer wanted a gag.
U.S. Rep. Neil Abercrombie on Barack Obama's impact on Democrats: "I think this is a real chance to bring the party into the 21st century." Talk about slow learners. The 21st century started eight years ago!
State land director Laura H. Thielen about shark sightings: "Do not enter the water where shark warning signs are posted." Like people not smart enough to figure that out for themselves can read signs.
Lt. Gov. James "Duke" Aiona about the importance of getting more exercise: "It can be as easy as flying a kite, walking the dog or walking down the street to buy a newspaper." He's running for governor by telling voters to go fly a kite?
Office of Hawaiian Affairs trustee John Waihee IV to officers who arrested him on a DUI: "I don't usually drink, but when I drink, I drink a lot. I only had eight beers tonight, but my friends kept giving me shots." In case there was any doubt that drunk and stupid go hand in hand.
Accused bank robber William Joseph Foley after authorities phoned and asked him to turn himself in: "It's Friday night. I don't want to be in the cellblock over the weekend. I'll turn myself in Sunday night." Crime may not pay, but apparently it gets you concierge service. (Good to his word, he showed up for booking at 9:15 p.m. Sunday.)
Outgoing Big Island Mayor Harry Kim on the health effects of vog: "Nobody knows the long-term effects of many, many things because it takes long-term studies to know the long-term effects of it." Spoken like a true short-termer.
UH quarterbacks coach Nick Rolovich on his confidence in newly named starter Inoke Funaki: "I don't want Inoke looking over his shoulder. We're going with Inoke until we feel it's time to make a change." Funaki didn't have time to peek back. He was out by the third quarter.
State biologist Jason Misaki on why 12 ducks were shot at Hamakua Marsh: "The feral ducks take away habitat from our native birds. ... They also hybridize with native ducks." If "hybridize" means what I think, a lot of folks are in big trouble if it's a capital offense.
Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer to lawyers in the dispute over Navy sonar and whales: "You are asking us who know nothing about whales and less about the military to start reading all these documents to try to figure out who's right." What do they think he is, a judge or something?
Jim Barahal of the Honolulu Marathon on the difficulty of identifying runners and their times after a computer broke down: "We had to find the found before we could find the missing." It's disturbing that this made as much sense as anything else I heard all year.
David Shapiro, a veteran Hawai'i journalist, can be reached by e-mail at dave@volcanicash.net. His columns are archived at www.volcanicash.net. Read his daily blog, Volcanic Ash, at volcanicash.honadvblogs.com.
David Shapiro, a veteran Hawai'i journalist, can be reached by e-mail at dave@volcanicash.net. His columns are archived at www.volcanicash.net. Read his daily blog at blogs.honoluluadvertiser.com.
