A social worker fills many roles. I have been a therapist, case manager, counselor, trainer, grant writer and consultant, to name just a few. I was not surprised then, when the Domestic Violence Action Center asked me to participate in a round-table discussion in preparation for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I was surprised however, when they informed me that they did not want me to speak as a social worker, but instead as a husband, father and, most importantly, as a man.

I was reluctant at first, but after some careful consideration I realized this was something I had to do. Sadly, most, if not all women, live in fear that they will become victims of violence. Nearly one-third of women have been physically or sexually abused by a boyfriend or husband at some point in their lives. So far this year there have been 11 deaths — nine women, one child and a good Samaritan. Three of the male perpetrators killed themselves after murdering their partners.

Yes, this was something that I had to do, not just for my profession, but for my wife, my daughter and my gender. So late one Friday afternoon, in the deep recesses of Mapunapuna, I sat with three other gentlemen and moderator Jade Moon for a filming at the 'Olelo studios.

I was asked to speak — and I did — but I also listened. I was entranced by the stories of my fellow panelists.

Mika was born in Samoa, and raised in Kalihi. He grew up in a nurturing family, but regularly witnessed domestic violence in the "projects" and watched the impact it had on his good friend. Unlike his own family, Mika's buddy came from a violent household in which his father regularly beat his mother. He has since spiraled out of control and is in trouble still.

Raymund was born and raised in Manila, the Philippine capital, but left the city after his mother courageously fled a violent relationship. He never saw his father again. He now has two daughters of his own and years ago promised them a different life.

Then there was Joe. Also a social worker, Joe was the expert on the panel. No stranger to violence, he works with domestic violence perpetrators.

It did not take long for me to realize that I was sitting with three very courageous men who willingly lent their voices to this most important cause.

Domestic violence has been a feminine issue out of necessity and survival. If we are ever to see an end to the brutality, it must also become a men's issue.

In so many cases we are the cause, but we can also be the solution. It is time we redefine strength. The bench press and mixed martial arts cage are poor measures of manhood and ultimately limit us. Real strength is measured by our ability to show compassion, display gratitude and compromise with our loved ones.

Yes, I am proud to be a social worker, but I am just as proud to be a husband and father. I am also proud to be associated with the fine men committed to bringing an end to domestic violence.

It is time for men's voices to be heard.

Michael C. DeMattos is a member of the faculty at the University of Hawai'i Myron B. Thompson School of Social Work. Born and raised on the Wai'anae Coast, he now lives in Kane'ohe with his wife, daughter, two dogs, two mice and 1,000 worms.