Rosemary C. Baggish does in 50 pages what other parenting experts have done less effectively with much longer tomes. In her slim volume, "When the Bough Breaks: How To Really Be There for Your Children," (Vantage Press), Baggish sets out easy-to-remember guidelines to help parents better understand their children, develop strong healthy relationships with them and deal with difficult situations.

Baggish has plenty of practical experience in this area, and it is reflected in her down-to-earth writing style. For more than two decades, Baggish directed therapeutic school programs at Yale Psychiatric Institute and Hartford Hospital's Institute of Living in Hartford, Conn. For the past decade as director of school consultant services at the Institute of Living, Baggish has offered parent education programs for lay and professional audiences.

Q. Why don't we start with your "ABCs."

A. The first is act like an adult. Understand that you have authority and you are viewed by children and students as having authority. They have the expectation that you will stay in the role and not try to be a friend or a peer.

B is for behavioral observation, not interpretation. If you hear secondhand information, don't assume it's true until you check it out. Don't make assumptions; don't interpret. Children say parents do things that push them away by prejudging them.

Then, C, for connection or problem-solving. The best decisions are made in connection with others. When your child brings a problem to you, it's so important that you include others involved in the situation — that you don't just unilaterally come up with a decision you're going to act on. Very often, there is much more to a situation than what your child is telling you. Often, you need to go to the other parent or teacher or child.

Q. And the S?

A. Safety through community. Let's take a situation. If your child says, "I've been at my friend's house and his older brother showed pornography on the computer screen," it's not something to fluff off. You need to find out what happened. Ask: "What do you mean? Tell me what happened. ... This concerns me: We need to tell the mother, but would you like to tell your friend first?" Your child might say: "No, don't do it. He'll get angry with me, call me a wimp" or whatever. It's OK for your child to get angry with you. ... You want to model safety through communication — that you are able to talk to another adult to create a safe environment.

Q. You wrote in one chapter that often parents didn't realize how unavailable they actually are to their children. How does that happen?

A. It's very easy. Parents have so much on their plate. They are so overwhelmed with the economy. Everything is done outside of the house rather than in the home: lessons, play groups, practices, recreation. There is very little down time in the home to socialize. With two or three kids, parents are driven almost to distraction. It's very hard to be present.

Q. So how do parents manage to be present?

A. Often, there is so much going on that we don't talk about the important things. In the little opportunities that we have when we are home, it's very important to regroup and be there 100 percent of the time when you are home with your children.

Kids will bring home the A-pluses to put them on the refrigerator. They know that good news is really appreciated. Sometimes we are so busy, we may inadvertently give them the message: If it's not good news, I don't want to hear it. It's important to counteract that consciously.

You don't only talk about problems, but in the midst of sharing the activities, the fun, the positive, it's important to consciously ask about problems. It's important for them realize that it's normal to have a problem, that it's normal to feel inadequate, normal to ask for help.

Q. In the last section of the book, you say to pay attention to the whispers. What's that mean?

A. It's a little thing, like your child is on the telephone and you are hearing a conversation that is really inappropriate. Talk to him about it. It's a whisper. They know you are in the room.

Q. In a certain way they want you to hear it and ask about it?

A. Without a doubt. ... Parents put too much credence on independence. ... They give too much space to private life. Rest assured, every child will have a private life. If there is an observation that you can respond to, do it.