A few years ago, I made the ultimate New Year's resolution and swore off resolutions altogether. I am happy to report that since that time, I have experienced no second-week remorse for having failed so soon at maintaining my goals.

Some may criticize me for not starting the year anew, for not having a target at which to aim my arrow of self-actualization, but I think I have hit the bull's-eye. No, I have not set new goals; I'm not climbing my personal Mount Olympus. But neither am I falling short, finding myself in the valley of self-loathing surrounded by most of my friends and neighbors.

This year, I instead aim my unfailing arrow at lessons learned from the previous year in the hope to repeat the best of 2008 and avoid the worst. Some of the lessons are mine, some are from those around me. Humans are defined by many things, not least of which is our ability to accessorize, but even more impressive is our ability to learn from others on the path of life.

Here then is my list of lessons learned.

1. The most experienced among us are sometimes at greater risk than the novice.

Toward the end of 2008, a good friend showed up at my house with a bandage the size of a polish sausage over his pinky finger. I cringed immediately and begged him not to tell me what happened, but he did anyway. Turns out, he cut off the tip of his finger in a chop saw. My buddy is a professional carpenter and if this could happen to him, it could surely happen to a hobbyist like me. The best 10-fingered carpenters have a healthy respect for the dangers of power tools and Pinky (as he is now known) is no exception. Pinky tells me that injuries such as his happen to the careless and the seasoned. I want to be neither. My job is to stay vigilant, forever the careful beginner.

2. Good and bad happens to all of us — sometimes on the same day.

When it rains it pours. Sometimes it feels like you just can't catch a break, every pitch is a curve ball that you just can't hit. At other times you can see the laces as the ball approaches the plate É crack É home run. You may feel dejected when you swing and miss or elated when you hit it over the fence, but at least it all makes sense. If you really want to get thrown for a loop, try having the best and worst day of your life on the same day. My daughter scored the winning goal in a 1-0 soccer match, went to a pool party with her teammates after the game only to go home that night and have one of our mice die in her hands. Four days later our second mouse died. Life can be so unfair.

3. The hardest part about loving is letting go.

What do you say to a kid who has experienced such highs and lows in a 12-hour period? I didn't know. I held her close, let her cry and acknowledged that the hardest thing about loving someone is letting them go. The greatest among us are such because they practice the hardest. There are two exceptions: The first is love. Real love requires no training or practice, just an open heart. The second is letting go: No matter what you have lived through, you are never prepared for loss. That's a good thing. I have heard it said that love is letting go. Maybe, but I know this for sure: I would risk the sad goodbye for one fateful hello; a hello filled with hope, promise, and most of all love.

Hello, 2009!

Michael C. DeMattos is on faculty at the University of Hawai'i, Myron B. Thompson School of Social Work. Born and raised on the Wai'anae Coast, he lives in Kane'ohe with his wife, daughter, two dogs and 1,000 worms.