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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Saturday, April 3, 2010

It's been one of those weeks

By David Shapiro

It was one of those weeks where all you can say is "Aarrrgh!" as we plant tongue in cheek and "flASHback" on the news that amused and confused:

• Thousands of people crowded into a job fair for the Pearl Harbor Naval Shipyard looking for apprentice work. That sounds a lot like the Democratic Party's primary for lieutenant governor.

• State Rep. Lyla Berg, one of the LG candidates, said the labor talks that produced school furloughs would have turned out differently if there had been a mother in the room. She could be right. The babies might have been less fussy if there was someone to burp them.

• Producers of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" sequel filming in Hawai'i put out a casting call for strange men to play "scavenger types." I'm sure the women could keep the Legislature running for a few days.

• A con man who ripped off $3 million from Hawai'i investors lost $2 million of it to an even bigger Ponzi schemer. Now this would be an even better lie detector duel than Marion Higa vs. Linda Lingle.

• Some lawmakers want to set up "safe zones" on public land for the chronically homeless. You mean besides Kapi'olani Park and Ala Moana?

• A House committee signed off on a constitutional amendment to let voters decide if the Board of Education should be elected or appointed. Why don't we make it really interesting and add impeached?

• Despite committee approval, House leaders squelched a resolution that would have recognized the cultural value of illegal cockfighting. They recognized the political value of not being stupid.

• Sen. Daniel Inouye visited two of 11 Wai'anae Coast schools that received computers and software to teach children to avoid unexploded military ordnance. Just asking, but isn't there enough pork money to clean up the loose ammo so the kids don't have to avoid it?

• A news release announced that " 'Emme's Classic Island Moments' will resurrect Aunty Genoa Keawe on Easter Sunday." Wow, that could be a bigger TV event than the moon landing.

And the quote of the week ... from state Rep. Gene Ward on colleagues' failure to commit a dollar amount for ending furlough Fridays: "I'm not sure if your blank is going to show that we've got any skin in the game." Somebody told him the pirate scavengers aren't speaking roles, right?