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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Friday, May 7, 2010

Opening acts could easily be headliners

 •  Just being Tracy Morgan

By Dave Dondoneau
TGIF Editor

Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser

Lavell Crawford, left, promises to “bring the funny.”

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As undercards go, they don't get any better than having J.J. Williamson and Lavell Crawford open for Tracy Morgan at Capone's Mother's Day Comedy Smash tomorrow.

Williamson's act went over so well when he opened for Cedric The Entertainer at Blaisdell Arena last year that promoters brought him back for tomorrow's show. He's performed at the Def Comedy Jam, BET's "Comic View," Laffapalooza and was in "Johnson Family Vacation."

Crawford is a huge man with a quick wit. He's appeared at Def Comedy Jam, on "Premium Blend," "The Jamie Foxx Show," "Showtime at the Apollo" and finished second on "Last Comic Standing."

Either man could headline a comedy show and you'd come away feeling you got your money's worth.

Crawford was at a tour stop in Lexington, Ky., when we caught up with him. Rather than a typical Q&A, we asked for his thoughts on various people and topics. Some of his answers aren't politically correct, but it's comedy. And it's funny.

Mother's Day: "If you forget it, put dirt over yourself because you're gonna die. Thank God I got this show coming up so I can kill two birds with one stone. My wife's gonna get to Hawai'i, and so is my momma. I done hit the lotto."

"Dancing with the Stars": "They should really change the name to 'Dancing With People Who Think They Are Stars,' because a lot of people they have on it don't make no sense. You got Kate from that 'Jon & Kate Plus 8.' She's not a star. She made eight kids, so they put her on TV, and now she ain't got a husband no more. She's not a star. I could see if Elizabeth Taylor was on there, now that would be a good 'Dancing with the Stars.' "

iPads: "Mac is the devil. First they're gonna sell it with Wi-Fi, not 3G, then they'll have another coming out with 3G, then they gonna come out with a 2.0 version with everything you wanted. Mac is the devil, man. They just want you to spend your money with them, and they just got too much magical trickery to say 'no' to. I like it all so much. I'm seduced by them and their powers."

Tiger Woods: (laughs, pauses) "Needs to keep his business to himself. I wonder why five-hour energy ain't called him up. If you can have sex with 15 different women and play 18 holes of golf ... They talk about The Masters ... he is The Master."

Tsunami: (big laugh) "I eat it with two pieces of white bread and corn chips. You know, somebody said on Wikipedia that people were mad at me for making that joke (He did a skit on it after the tsunami in Samoa), but I say 'C'mon man, we didn't know what the hell a tsunami was until it hit. I'm black, and I lived in St. Louis, Mo., and now L.A., and I still never seen one.' I wasn't making a joke about the people, I was talking about a joke that was word play. And it was funny."

Barack Obama: "People's President — or the people's who ain't mad at him president, that is."

George Bush: "One of Satan's lieutenants."

Air travel: "Man, it's turning into the Third Reich to get through security. I'm waiting for them to start checking anal cavities. It's crazy what you gotta go through."

"Biggest Loser": "I think it's good, but I think it's evil when they chase a fat person off just when they're starting to believe in themself again, because he didn't get enough votes. That's evil, man. Then they go back to they lives after eating salads and fruits and eating right and drinking water during the show — and they go back home, and the first thing they do is, 'Well, I'm just gonna have one Big Mac. It shouldn't hurt. ...'"

Justin Bieber: Don't know who he is and don't care. That's the incredible thing about white people: They can make anyone they want a celebrity, but a brother has got to work his butt off. Even the fat girl from 'Precious.' I knew her back when she was a Cabbage Patch Kid, but she still had to work to be famous."

Furlough Fridays: "Huh?"

Performing in Hawai'i: "I'm gonna come with the funny. I bring my life on stage. I just have fun. I'm a comedian. I don't sit up there and tell you lies. I don't talk about celebrities. That ain't me. I bring the funny."