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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Saturday, May 22, 2010

Rivals take final shots before the bell rings

By David Shapiro

Candidates are getting in their last licks in the 1st Congressional District as we "flASHback" on the week's news that amused and confused:

• Gov. Linda Lingle recorded a "robocall" to Republican voters to counter President Obama's earlier telephone message to Democrats. This is the first election to take its plot from "Alien vs. Terminator."

• Republican Charles Djou said his advantage is that Democratic rivals Colleen Hanabusa and Ed Case dislike him, but hate each other. This would have been a perfect race for Mufi Hannemann. Nobody beats him at animosity.

• Former Gov. George Ariyoshi said he's proud to be referred to as the old guard. Hmmm, I heard the reference to old, but the next word wasn't "guard."

• Lingle said she has no plans after she leaves office other than a long vacation. She hasn't had one since her extended ride on the John McCain campaign plane.

• Storm forecasters predicted fewer hurricanes than normal in Hawaiian waters this season. They're counting on the fall elections to suck up all the wind.

• City workers will soon start taking soil samples for the first phase of the $5.3 billion commuter rail line. That'll be a nice change from the PR flacks who have done all the shoveling so far.

• The bankrupt Honolulu Symphony is seeking a business model that would cut performances in half while preserving salaries for employees. If it figures it out, it should contact the Board of Education at once.

• Beachgoers at Ala Moana said they're baffled by the state's new system of buoys to separate swimmers from stand-up paddlers. It's so confusing that the jellyfish can't keep track of who they've already stung.

• A record 33,678 firearms were registered in Hawai'i last year, up 30 percent from the previous year. With all that dangerous firepower out there, "Hawaii 5-0" is coming back just in time.

• A 17-year-old boy who was allegedly kidnapped and stuffed in a car trunk was saved by police after he sent texts to his mom from his cell phone. She'd better never have to remind him to clean his room again.

And the quote of the week ... from assistant zoo director Tommy Higashino on a pair of lions that will soon take up residence: "It's time for a new generation and hopefully we can breed lions and have cubs and start a pride." That sounds like what needs to happen at the Legislature.