Family Matters
Family meals still possible with hectic schedules

Life is sometimes so hectic that a family meal together seems like a small miracle. With parents’ work commitments and kids’ school schedules, sports and other extracurricular activities, having everyone sit down for dinner together may take the planning skills of a general.

But it can be done, and according to a recent article in Parenting magazine, it’s worth the effort. Enhanced social skills and vocabulary, development of better eating habits and better self-esteem were cited as benefits to children of regular family dining.

Kerry Germain of Hale‘iwa has observed that when events interfere with family dinner time, the family just doesn’t function as well. To get things back on track, she plans ahead, adding candles to the table and preparing "comfort" foods everyone enjoys so their time together is sure to be positive.

During the meal, Kerry, her husband and their 6-year-old son take turns describing the best and worst parts of their day. Their sharing fosters the family’s bonds and allows them to express themselves. "This sometimes becomes a creative exercise for my son, who can tell some wild stories," Kerry says.

Family dinners don’t have to occur every night to be effective. Lori Komer of Honolulu aims for three or four nights a week. "It’s tough to get everyone together, so I’ve got to plan ahead, or it just doesn’t happen," Lori says. She relies on simple recipes that have been popular with her two sons (one is now attending college on the Mainland), and uses prepared foods such as packaged salad mixes to cut down on preparation time. And family time isn’t over when the last bite is taken. Lori says she putters around the kitchen while her sons clean up, when everyone is still relaxed and the conversation can continue.

The entire burden of meal planning and preparation doesn’t need to fall on one person. When my daughter started middle school, I periodically gave her the responsibility of figuring out our menus for the week and making the shopping list. Being relieved of this one chore made life much easier for me (which was my main goal!), and in the process my daughter gained experience in planning and organizing. I also included her in getting dinner ready - even very young children can peel carrots and stir ingredients - which added to our "together" time.

Flexibility is a must when the aim is gathering everyone for a meal. For example, some families’ schedules may mean breakfast is a better time for togetherness than dinner. In others, children may have part of their meal early by themselves, then sit with their parents for the main course, or have their dessert while their parents eat their full meal.

Keep in mind that family meals should be enjoyable. While gently teaching good table manners and setting general rules, such as no interrupting, are appropriate, using this time to discipline children or discuss serious family issues will create tension, not enjoyment.

To encourage focusing on each other, keep attention competitors away during your meal. By turning off the TV and stereo, and letting the answering machine pick up any calls, you’ll make it clear that your priority is on the family.

Tell us about it

Do you live with extended family? How do you make it work?

Write:

Family Matters
‘Ohana Section
The Honolulu Advertiser
P.O. Box 3110
Honolulu, HI 96802

You also can send e-mail to ohana@honoluluadvertiser.com or fax 535-8170

Two Hawai‘i parents, Lynne Wikoff and Ka‘øhua Lucas, take turns writing the Family Matters column.

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