For Better, For Worse
Romance can be kept aflame without going out on dates

Editor's note: This letter was excerpted for a story on the cover of the Feb. 11 'Ohana section. But the letter was so compelling that we have reproduced it in its entirety.

Camille Michel, right, and her husband Whit, both work full time and are usually busy tending to the kids, leaving no time for dates.

I know the Romance Drill. I’ve heard it oft-repeated by parenting magazines, women’s magazines, Oprah: Go on a date with your husband once a week. It doesn’t have to be expensive, just an evening for the two of you, sans kids. Make it a priority or your marriage will shrivel up and die.

Bah.

Not "Bah, that’s such a dumb idea." More like, "Bah, that’s a great idea, but it’s easier said than done."

Here’s the short list of excuses why this date thing isn’t happening for us. Him - full-time job, full-time MBA student. Me - full-time job where I work half-days in the office, do the rest from home at night. The rest of the time, we’re the parents of Them - Christianne, 5; Ryan, 2, and Chelsea, 6 months.

Part of the challenge is my husband’s schedule. He goes to class or study groups three nights a week and all day every other Saturday. Neither of us really wants to deplete precious family time with nights out.

Then there are the kids. They’re in the age range where someone is always spilling something, breaking something or having an emergency involving a bodily function. I love my children, but it’s a sheer act of compassion that we don’t subject someone else to our three-ring circus on a regular basis.

So how do we keep the romance alive?

We live for the moment. Literally.

We end every phone call during the day with "Too, bye," an abbreviated version of "I love you/I love you, too."

At home, we touch fingertips as we pass in the hallway on separate child-related errands. At some point in the midst of the dinner/bath/bedtime frenzy, we’ll exchange the kind of glance that husbands and wives - not mommies and daddies - share.

And on my birthday, Poetic Guy, who lays in a dormant heap somewhere in my husband’s heart all year, leaps out and lands - SPLAT - in the white space at the bottom of a store-bought card, dressed up as a hastily scrawled paragraph that makes me cry and earns my husband enough brownie points to last another 364 days.

It’s a connect-the-dots approach. Someday our romance will be a framed, full-color portrait. We’ll get around to candlelight and hushed conversation in a restaurant that doesn’t have bite-sized corn dogs on the menu. ’Til then, if you connect the moments in just the right way, you get something that resembles hearts, flowers and fireworks, and looks pretty good taped to the refrigerator.

For us, for now, that just seems right.

Camille Domaloan Michel and her husband, Whit Michel, were married Nov. 27, 1992, at St. Elizabeth’s Church in ‘Aiea.

Do you have a great love story? What are your best stories or advice on marriage and making the magic last? Do you have a story from your wedding or wedding-planning advice? Send your letter of 500-750 words with your city and phone number to: For Better, For Worse, ‘Ohana Section, The Honolulu Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; e-mail ohana@honoluluadvertiser.com or fax 535-8170. Sending a photo is optional.

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