Just looking for love

• First visualize your ideal mate, then hook up
• Create your own Date Catcher
• Valentine's Day Events

By Tanya Bricking
Advertiser Staff Writer

Create your own Date Catcher Click on the image for details. Gregory Yamamoto • The Honolulu Advertiser

Daniel Takamura has heard the hints from his girlfriend.

He made it to Step One: the mall. He's still pondering Step Two: where to take her out. (We have a few ideas, and you'll find them in today's Date Catcher, an Advertiser game that suggests a few romantic getaways.)

The 21-year-old University of Hawai'i student from Waikapu, Maui, said he doesn't mind the stress. "It's kind of special," he said. "You can do something nice instead of just go out to the movies."

On this Hallmark holiday, guys like Warren Hudson are feeling a little mushy.

"I'm a ladies' man," said the 17-year-old from Kalihi, who went for the old standbys of a teddy bear, flowers and candy.

Others will leave it to the Warren Hudsons of the world to woo the women.

Valentine's Day is for young people, insists Walter Minakami, 71, of Mililani.

He sat outside Jewel Gallery by Macy's at Ala Moana Center a few days ago, but he wasn't shopping for any jewels. He wasn't about to buy candy, either. His wife wouldn't eat it if he bought it, he said.

Maybe they'll make dinner plans for tonight, he said, but maybe not.

Valentine's Day, he said, is "not for guys like me. I've been married almost 50 years."

This time of year, thousands more singles are grasping for what Minakami found long ago: a mate. Match.com, the leader in personals Web sites, has seen a 20 percent spike in Web traffic this month, which is typical for the Valentine season, said Kathleen Roldan, the company's director of dating in San Francisco.

The Internet dating service has 19,000 members in Hawai'i trying to find a match, Roldan said. You can post your profile on the site for free, but you need a subscription (about $24.95 a month) to e-mail another member.

The method has its success stories. In a living room in Kane'ohe, one couple who met through a matchmaking service will be tying the knot today. The 62-year-old groom is "too shy" to have his name in the paper with his 57-year-old bride, who called the newspaper in her excitement.

They are the kind of couple Philippa Courtney will be silently cheering.

In her single days, which lasted until her mid-40s, Courtney used to try every method she could think of to find her ideal mate.

She tried blind dates and matchmaking services, and finally wrote a personal ad specific about what kind of man she wanted.

She found him. Then she wrote a book about searching for — and finding — love, and she became an Internet relationship advice columnist. Now she and her husband, Robert Fiske, both 50, travel the country speaking about how to make relationships work. The Portland, Ore., couple went onstage last week at a speakers' conference in Honolulu. They are celebrating Valentine's Day with a jaunt to Kaua'i.

They can understand the plight of the lonely-hearted, who will find other distractions to pass this night. But Courtney and Fiske tell people looking for love that they can't just wait for Cupid to strike.

Catching a date takes more than fate, they insist.

People must take advantage of opportunities to find a compatible partner, Courtney said.

"I think luck is a matter of being prepared for an opportunity," she said. "You still have to be able to recognize it."

And when love comes, it's a good idea to do something special on days like this, says Brian Culannay, 22, of Pauoa. "It's a lot of pressure, but it's a good thing," he said.

Those opting out of the sport that is Valentine's Day can take heart in the wisdom of Naresh Ojha, 23, of Waikiki.

"This year, I'm kind of lucky because I'm single," he said. "I don't have to worry about buying a gift, buying a dozen long-stem roses or spending $50 or $60.

"There's a term for it," he said. "'No honey, more money.' "

Ah, how romantic.

Reach Tanya Bricking at tbricking@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8026.

First visualize your ideal mate, then hook up

Bringing the right person into your life means turning your dating life around, says relationships expert Philippa Courtney. She suggests these steps to success in her book, "4 Steps to Bring the Right Person into Your Life Right Now":

• Discover who your right person is and distinguish the right ones from the wrong ones. That means focusing on someone who makes you happy and loves you the way you are.
• Bring your right person to life in your heart and soul by visualizing the kind of person you want to meet and the life you want to share.
• Discover where to find your ideal person. You need to become an educated consumer of dating services, resources and activities.
• Find out if it's love, lust or fantasy. Track how your feelings change with each date and as you date different people. Focus on finding compatibility; the chemistry emerges on its own.