Catholics are allowed to write their own vows

By Mary Kaye Ritz
Advertiser Religion & Ethics Writer

Can Roman Catholics write their own wedding vows?

Short answer: Yes, if the priest approves.

John Ringrose, chancellor, ecclesiastical judge and one of three tribunal judges who handle annulments for the Diocese of Honolulu, said these conditions also must be met by the vow itself:

1. There must be consent (the saying of "I do") involving a clear question answered in the affirmative.
2. The man and woman must accept each other as unique individuals, without conditions.
3. They must understand their union is being done in front of God.

"The wording around that can be changed to suit individual needs, with permission of parish priest," said Ringrose, a 54-year-old Canadian who in four months will be getting married.

The Rev. Marc Alexander, diocese theologian, said "gentle pastoral practice" has permitted some priests to allow some couples to write their own vows, but Ringrose said many parish priests, especially older ones who were trained before the landmark Second Vatican Council (the church's 1960s modernization) may be uncomfortable with a change in the structure of the liturgy.

Catholics who want to write their own vows should write out their proposed wording and submit it to the priest.

As long as he's morally certain nothing can be misconstrued, as long as the question is posed and answered, as long as the unconditional acceptance of the other person is there, and if he so chooses, he's able to allow "the liturgy (to) conform to the wishes of the individual," either by incorporating the couple's writings into his phrasing of the vows or by allowing the couple to give the vows themselves, Ringrose said.

"In the end, the priest calls the shots. It's not usual, but can be done."