honoluluadvertiser.com

Sponsored by:

Comment, blog & share photos

Log in | Become a member
The Honolulu Advertiser

Posted on: Friday, January 28, 2005

Schools ready to help grieving youngsters

 •  Remembering the fallen: List of troops killed
 •  Share your condolences
 •  How to help children cope

By Treena Shapiro
Advertiser Education Writer

KAILUA — Educators at schools near Marine Corps Base Hawai'i yesterday awaited word on whether any of their students are affected by Wednesday's helicopter crash in Iraq that killed 26 Kane'ohe Bay Marines.

Brad Santos, right, plans to join the Air Force after graduating this year. His brother Noah, 15, is also in Junior ROTC. They were with mother Wendy Rosario, picking up sister Jessica at Kainalu Elementary yesterday.

Photos by Gregory Yamamoto • The Honolulu Advertiser


Marine wife Laurie Magos says such events can be scary for her children, even though they are not directly touched by the recent deaths.
"It's just terrible for the kids, not just for the military families, but for all kids," said Kalaheo High School principal James Schlosser. About 20 percent of the school's students have parents in the military.

The school has prepared for tragedy, even as officials and staff hope to avoid it, Schlosser said. "Our counselors have been prepared for this. They have actually been trained to work with students who are bereaving."

The school has also made arrangements to work with base counselors to help entire families make it through difficult times. "I've asked the teachers to be vigilant and to make sure they refer any child who is having any apparent difficulty to the counselors," he said.

At St. Anthony School, where 35 percent of students have a parent in the military, flags were lowered to half staff and the students reflected on the tragedy in the morning. "We prayed as a school community and remembered those who were killed," said principal Lovey Ann DeRego.

Otherwise, DeRego said, "We're just keeping everything status quo."

Senior Brad Santos, 17, said his Air Force Junior ROTC class discussed the tragedy, and he and friends also talked about it informally.

"We felt for them and their families. A lot of the people who are in ROTC have family or know somebody" who is in Iraq, he said.

His mother, Wendy Rosario, who helped make sure 1,000 soldiers had a care package during the holidays, said the war makes her more apprehensive about Santos' plans to join the Air Force after he graduates this year, but she is proud of his decision.

"He has a lot of compassion and he knows what he's doing, and he knows, too, that he might not be coming home," she said.

Despite the risks, Santos has no plans to change course. "I think it will be a good opportunity," he said.

As she waited to pick up her children from Kainalu Elementary School, Laurie Magos, a Marine wife, said her children have been spared some of the fears of other military dependents because their father is at home.

"We do try to talk to them about these things, though, because you never know when they're (the military parents) getting orders to go over there and replace the guys who are there now," she said.

While not touched directly by the tragedy, Magos said her neighbor's husband was the sergeant major in charge of the soldiers who were killed.

Magos worried about how much a school should address military tragedies.

On one hand, her family talks openly about war and she expects the same from the school. "I think it's scary for the kids," she said, noting that they need an outlet for their concerns.

However, she added, "Sometimes you just want kids to be kids and let them enjoy their childhood before reality sets in."

Reach Treena Shapiro at tshapiro@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8014.

• • •

HOW TO HELP CHILDREN COPE

The U.S. State Department offers this advice on helping children cope with a tragedy that affects them:

• Explain the traumatic episode as well as you can.

• Encourage children to express their feelings; listen to them without passing judgment. Help younger children learn to use words to express their feelings.

• Do not force discussion of the traumatic event.

• Let children and adolescents know that it is normal to feel upset after something bad happens.

• Allow time for them to experience and talk about their feelings.

• Gradually return to a routine at home.

• If behavior at bedtime is a problem, give the child extra time and reassurance. Let him or her sleep with a light on or in your room for a limited time if necessary.

• Reassure children and adolescents that the traumatic event was not their fault.

• Do not criticize regressive behavior or shame the child with words like "babyish."

• Allow children to cry or be sad. Do not expect them to be brave and tough.

• Encourage children and adolescents to feel in control. Let them make some decisions about meals, what to wear, etc.

• Take care of yourself so you can take care of the children.

Source: Office of Casualty Assistance, U.S. Department of State