Kaui Philpotts, the former Advertiser food editor whose new book, "Party Hawai'i" is due out from Mutual Publishing Monday, makes giving a party look easy.

But, she says, how easy really depends on your willingness to give up.

To have fun at your own party, she says, you have to give up on perfection (unless you happen to be one of those Women Who Just Naturally Do Everything Better Than Us). You have to stop trying to do it all yourself (that's why takeout was invented). You have to admit you're not Martha Stewart (who has a staff the size of a small town, tons of sponsorship money and multiple kitchens and dining spaces).

Granted, it helps if you, like Philpotts, have a beautiful spacious home in Nu'uanu, cupboards full of dishes and the innate knack for making people feel comfortable and tables look stylish.

But none of that is absolutely necessary. Philpotts, who grew up in the plantation village of Pa'ia, Maui, recalls entertaining her first husband's boss in an apartment the size of her current kitchen, when their furniture consisted of paisley-covered mattresses and her "china" was mud-brown pottery from a discount store (mud brown was "in" then). Dinner was a pot of stew and some bakery bread. And the boss had a genuinely good time, as did everyone else.

Later, a single career woman on Maui, Philpotts entertained in another tiny apartment, with folks standing in the kitchen, sitting on the floor, noshing from the coffee table. And although she can now afford catering and florists and valet parking, those leaner times were no less enjoyable, she said.

Philpotts' devastating little secret about party-giving, reflected in her book, is that it's all about appearances. If the place and the food look good, it doesn't matter if every last bit of food came from the okazu-ya and that fabulous Chinese platter is secondhand.

So it is that her book is not about cooking; it contains fewer than 45 recipes, and half of those are for beverages. The bulk of the book is practical advice and ideas for themed parties, plus gorgeous photographs by Kaz Tanabe. A number of the photo spreads are based on parties Philpotts attended here, but she had to restage them to get the shots, so she's basically been giving one party after another for a year.

Her "looks are all" philosophy leads directly to her No. 1 "makes me crazy" habit of Islanders: leaving the fried noodles or sushi or whatever in the tin tray. Just see how different everything looks if you arrange it on a nice platter or bamboo tray, she urged.

Another bit of subversive advice: Don't spend a lot of money (whatever "a lot of money" is for your personal budget). Draft a budget; you'll spend too much if you don't keep track.

Start with what's free, she suggests. Go through your cupboards and find dishes, platters, basket, wooden trays, vases, linens or other niceties you have forgotten about. Even ti leaves, philodendron or other substantial (and nonpoisonous) greenery can form a plate. Check out the collectibles section of secondhand stores; you'll be surprised at what you can find for a few dollars — punchbowls, cake stands, Asian presentation dishes that people have just given away.

Build a table setting, or even a menu, around those pieces. (Philpotts recently did a Chinese menu just so she could use the Cantonese china set her grandmother brought from China more than 70 years ago.)

And if you've got a big garden, a cousin who is a great fisherman, a laden mango tree — make use of these manuahi bonuses.

Instead of fussing about the food, the flowers or even the table setting, Philpotts said it's much more important to think about your guests' comfort.

She learned this the hard way at the first big party she ever hosted: She invited 100 people to her home on a quiet street on Maui. But she neglected to hire some college kids to valet the cars (50 or more cars is a LOT, clogging up the street and forcing guests to slog blocks).

Her tips include many that are about keeping guests comfortable. Greet your guests and introduce them to each other. Keep the lights low and the music at a reasonable level. Think about physical comfort: provide cool water, shade and sunscreen on hot days and serve a lighter meal. Chairs that are pulled into conversational groupings, footstools, wraps or lap blankets and other niceties make people want to linger and get to know each other.

And one caution: Keep your guests' glasses full, but "don't you have too much fun and get looped at your own party," she said with a twinkle of humor.

Another piece of advice goes back to that big first party, too. She planned far too many made-from-scratch dishes that evening. Though all the recipes were of themselves easy to do, the number of them had her chained to the kitchen. "I worked like a slave and when I finally had a chance to rest, everyone had gone home," she recalled. "That's when I got over the thing about you have to do everything yourself."

Be on the alert to find shops and cooks that "do things better than you can, so you can do the thing you like to do — if that's the decor, buy all the food, who cares?" She routinely buys good-quality takeout, breads and desserts for her parties and might even ask a close friend to bring their specialty. She puts her guests to work (this draws shy folks or newcomers into the life of the event).

Asked about her favorite party ever, Philpotts recalled her own 60th birthday, which friends hosted in a Chinatown restaurant. Her friends put her in a car with a sunroof, standing up and waving like a beauty queen and the parade snaked through the streets. There was a lion dance and firecrackers, too.

"It was just hilarious," she recalled. "So don't forget to be silly. Have fun."

Reach Wanda A. Adams at wadams@honoluluadvertiser.com.