Posted on: Sunday, December 5, 2004
Look inward, stay involved, make a plan
Advertiser Staff
A COMMUNITY CONCERN
Denial may be the main thing in society that's keeping people from solving the problems that come along with aging, said Deborah Jackson, who started Eldercare Hawai'i, a planning and consultation service. Jackson saw her own mother spiral from someone who could do it all to someone torn apart by Alzheimer's.
"People have this assumption that government has got their back," she said, "but it's just not true."
As more people seek medical and care services and ways to pay for them, it's no doubt a frustrating situation. Existing programs don't have enough money, and the public health-
insurance program, Medicaid, and its waiver programs in place in the state, do not provide enough for families.
Those things will be public-policy battles every year.
Finding help is another issue, right from the start. Families complain about a lack of social workers who deal with Alzheimer's disease or the effectiveness of agencies they call, only to get the run-around in finding the services they need.
Instead of blaming the inadequacies of government and the gaps in the system, Jackson suggests people should take a look inward.
"Individuals really need to look at cost of care, educate themselves," she said. "And get over the entitlement mentality. Because it's just not reality."
What can we do, as members of a concerned, involved community?
• Educate ourselves on the issues that concern an aging Hawai'i by getting information from groups on our resource list.
• Get engaged in the public-policy debate by finding advocacy groups related to your cause.
• Volunteer. Plenty of service providers could use your help on tasks ranging from delivering meals to answering phones.
• Tune in to the aging population. With 70 million baby boomers turning 65 or older in the next 20 years, being "elder-friendly" won't just be the neighborly thing to do. It will be good business.
WHAT FAMILIES CAN DO
Glenn Furukawa gets people calling him in a fright. Their loved one just turned a corner and now they're frantic: Where can they turn for help?
"Too many decisions get made in crisis mode," said the program director of Furukawa Living Treasures Day Care Center. "You should not flip through the yellow pages to see what you should do. It's so much better to be proactive. This is the key to success of transitions."
He warns families with older parents to have the talk now: "You don't have the luxury of time, because something can change suddenly."
The idea is always in the back of Jan Chun's mind: What will they do when her mother, Mildred Arakaki, isn't able to take care of herself? Though she's mobile and is in charge of all her faculties, Arakaki, 80, has had several illnesses and is probably worrying about it, too, Chun knows. The speech therapist hesitates bringing it up, even knowing she should.
"We don't like to deal with the what-ifs," said Chun. "... It's human nature to put off doing things that aren't pleasant and just hope for the best."
"You never know," she said, then sighed.
What conversations should family members — especially those who will probably end up as caretakers — have? Furukawa suggested these:
• Find out the medical condition. Go with the senior to the next appointment. See a geriatrician, a doctor who specializes in older people. • If you can show some type of need for the senior — getting around, taking care of medications, etc. —Êtalk with social worker. This helps families recognize what the next step might be and what services are available.
• Sit down as a family and go over the medical, housing, financial, legal and end-of-life issues. And write it down or record it on tape, in case any other members of your family can't be there and need to hear it themselves. There are free booklets online at www.elderlyaffairs.com that help families frame the discussions. The AARP Web site also has tips for talking with family.
WHAT WE EACH CAN DO
Diane Terada, division administrator for Catholic Charities Hawai'i, knows that services will be tight, and as the baby boomers grow older, Hawai'i may not be equipped or prepared.
"We're seeing elders taking care of elders," she said. "We see people in their 70s taking care of people in their 90s. You may be somebody in your 50s, have a parent in their 70s who's disabled, and also a grandparent who is frail, needing services.."
While she welcomes the advances that allow us to live longer, "we all want quality of life," Terada pointed out.
How can we assure ourselves of the best quality of life?
• Come up with your own plan for personal finances, medical insurance, end-of-life questions, legal issues, etc. Use the best advice you can find for planning. And share your plan with your family or trusted friends. • Stay well as long as you can: Start and keep a healthy lifestyle, which will ward off illness as long as possible. And look at your environment and fit it to your needs. • Join a book club, do crossword puzzles and keep your mind fit. Work or volunteer at jobs that are meaningful to you, to stay involved in the world. • Know that caregiving is an important role, whether you are the caregiver or the one needing the care. Make sure everyone in the relationship has room to take care of oneself: Don't begrudge a sick person his aches and pains, but also don't begrudge the caregiver time off to get some relief. • Know where you can get help. Stay tuned in, logged on, and plugged in to resources that will help you: government services like the Honolulu Office on Aging, your church, local referral agencies such as Catholic Charities and Aloha United Way, and national groups such as the AARP.
• Be proactive. If there's an issue that concerns you or a family member — such as limited transportation options, the need for day care or costly respite programs — don't hesitate to write to your city council representative or state legislator, officials who have a say on what programs should be funded and where monies need to go.
